Saturday, December 16, 2006

E-mail Advice- "He wont apologize"

Dear Expression,

I broke up with my boyfriend to test whether he would make up with me and apologize for staring at this one woman at this benefit we went to. The only problem is he has not called me in four days and I feel he might have moved on. What can I do to get him to call me and apologize.

Pissed off woman


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Dear Pissed Off Woman,

It is extremely insane for you to believe that your boyfriend- not husband- will apologize to you because he stared at a woman during a benefit show. I understand that some couples are a tad jealous- Hell, I am very over protective of my girlfriend- but he didn’t have sex with this woman (as far as you know, but that could be the case with any woman he looks or any man you look at).

If I were he, I wouldn’t apologize to you either. And if you broke up with him because of something so silly and unimportant, maybe you two shouldn’t be together. You should be with someone who feels like he is prison. I don’t condone cheating what so ever, but I’d rather my girl looked at another man rather than tried to screw him. Be happy that he is just looking and not touching. If you want him back, call him up and tell him you’re sorry. If your pride is too strong to do that then start looking for another man.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

How Important Are Your Goals?

There comes a time in every individual’s life when they must decide how important their goals are. This is where something called “passion” comes into play. How passionate are you regarding your goals? Do you have the indomitable spirit to maintain an optimistic attitude when striving for achievements of your goals? It takes determination, tenacity, consistency and thick skin in order to make it in whatever it is you do. I’m sure you’d agree with me on that.

I know of a female who decided there were a lot of things that she wanted to do. She wanted to go into criminal justice; later deciding that painting was the artistic goal that she wanted to achieve. It turns out that this girl has never finished a painting in her life, but she plans on going to California to sell her paintings. No, wait. She’s changed that to New York City, and she will be selling hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of paintings there within the next few months. Is this a dream or could this be reality?

Hmmm… This doesn’t sound very passionate, does it? When you want to do something, you should have a hunger for it. Let’s say you have not eaten in two days and you haven’t done the thing in which you love to do in two days (be it writing, acting, dancing, painting, producing, directing, relationship matters, or whatever). The opportunity comes along for you to either eat your favorite dinner or get a shot at what you always “claim” you’ve wanted to do. Which one would you take? If you answered this question by saying you’d rather eat that favorite dinner, then whatever it is you’re saying you love to do, maybe you should reconsider.

*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

Too Much Damn Love

Too Much Love


Some people find it rather annoying to be hugged up with their loved one too often. Most people would rather their mates didn’t say the words “I love you,” too often, hug them too often, or kiss each other too often. It almost seems like they only want the physical connection of sex.

Now, for all of you who feel it rather stupid to be openly affectionate with your mate, I suggest you tone that BS down a tad bit. I’m saying over-do it, I’m saying that you should open up a little more. What would happen if your mate died, or you died and the last words you said to them was, “I have to shit,” or something? Then what?

Suggestion:


Try telling your mate you love them every time that you are not going to see them for longer than a three hour time span. Again, lots of people feel like this action is going too far, but if would be nice to have your last words be, “I love you,” instead of, “I’ve got to shit.”

When you get the chance, hug and kiss your mate and validate their beauty or worth. Trust me, both you and your mate will appreciate it in the long run…

Coming up…

…more topics on what to do when a lover dies

Related Posts

When Your Lover Dies... How To Deal

*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

Saying "I Love You" Too Fast

If you’ve only known your beau for two weeks, is it safe to say that you shouldn’t be telling them you love ‘im? I mean, come on now, how can you love someone when you barely know who they are?

Take SHALLOW BASIC HEIFER, for instance. She was with this guy for only about a week in a half. The guy started spewing all this crap about he loved her. She, of course, felt like he must be telling the truth, because in her experience, a man rarely says I love you quickly. I mean, they were making plans to move in together, though he would only see her for about 15 minutes a day, maybe four days a week. How can you move in with someone and you don’t know how they handle their finances or anything?

SHALLOW BASIC HEIFER took a trip to the guy’s house one day, only to see a “for sale” sign in the front yard. The blinds and curtains on the windows were off and she peered inside to see an empty home. This makes Luther Vandross’ words so potant: “A chair is not a chair, unless there’s someone sitting there.” LOL. I had to add a little humor.

So the guy up and moved, changed his phone number and stopped checking is AOL and Yahoo! Messenger. What is the lesson learned?

When a person says, “I love you,” within the first two weeks, they’re lying. Sometimes people find love a first sight. What you’re experiencing isn’t the case. Turn around and run away… Before they do it first.


How Fast
Do You Say "It?"

How fast do you say I Love You?



Wednesday, December 13, 2006

When Your Lover Dies... How To Deal

You tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that you love them on Tuesday. On Wednesday, the both of you get into a fight and you don’t speak to them the rest of the day. You don’t speak to them on Thursday as well. On Friday they die. What a damn scenario? What do you do when someone you love dies? There have been lots of people who’ve gone through this issue. Someone looses a parent, sibling, uncle, aunt, or cousin. But what happens when you loose a lover?

Shanise, a 25 year old woman- who was married to David, a 27 year old kind hearted man- experienced this lose not too long ago. The pain was palpable, of course.

Knowing that you didn’t say goodbye or that you love them, how would that feel knowing that the last few words you spoke to them was through an argument? That would kill me, personally. And in what ways do you try to get over this? Can you ever get over this?

I will post a series on this topic. If you have any comments, before the posts start, please feel free to leave a comment. Until the next post, much love, peace and empathy.

Related Posts

Too Much Damn Love

*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

Saturday, December 09, 2006

How To Love Yourself

This week we must try and figure out ways to love our selves more and more. It might be hard for lots of us to find out ways in which we can learn to love ourselves more, but we must make up our minds to understand that we can still be humble as well as have high self esteem. What ways do you tell yourself that you are special?

*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

Friday, December 08, 2006

Americans Are Spoiled Like Two Month Old Milk


Have you ever realized how spoiled Americans are? Get closer to us... Really! We smell like two month old spoiled milk that was just squirted out the ass of a Walrus. We always seem to want our cake and eat it to. When it comes to a monogamous relationship, why do people find it so hard to stay with the same person longer than 6 months?

Americans will live in Atlanta, move to California and stay there for eight years. After a while, they’re ready to move somewhere else because they’re bored with the city. They say they’ve done everything there is to do in that city.

So is it safe to say that Americans are never satisfied? And after having our cake and eating it for so long, do we not only want the cake, but we also seek the ice-cream, milk, balloons and party favors as well?

This question was pounding my brain repeatedly. I never understood why we (humans) get so bored so quickly with things before we try and make the situation better. We found it so easy to give up then try because there is always something new and shinny around the corner. We tend to stop appreciating the things that we have.

Hmmm. Something very interesting to think about.

*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

Friday, December 01, 2006

Lookin' Like A Real You!


As I sat at home waiting for a taste of the scrumptious chicken BLT salad I purchased from Wendy’s (overly desirous sounds spewing from my stomach), I thought about the pretty painting of perfection everyone tries to paint. When it comes to getting to know someone better, do you find it slightly odd that people give an image of a near “perfect” image? After awhile of dating, or getting to know someone, it’s kind of fucked up that you only find out exactly who they are after a few months of dating. Could this be the reason why there are so many divorces now-a-days? People are so quick to jump into a marriage, though they barely know each other, and come to the conclusion- up to a year later- that they don’t mesh well together.

The question that presents it’s self is: how do you show your imperfect self and still impress someone who you are romantically interested in?

The true answer to this question is: there is no way to achieve this! If a person likes you then they will embrace your flaws. I’d love for someone to be able to take my constant philosophical over-thinking. When my girlfriend and I first started dating, I loved everything about her. After awhile I started noticing things that she kept a secret in the beginning. Luckily for me she let the cat out of the bag, sort to say, a couple of times so I was slightly prepared.

Sometimes these spontaneously clairvoyant discoveries can cause a relationship to befall upon a stronger connection, but in most cases it causes the individual who was left in the dark to feel like they were deceived and cheated into being in the relationship. They’ll say, “I fell in love with a mock-up Jerry (or whatever the person’s name is).” Who wants a lookin’-like-a Gucci when they can afford to buy the real thing?

*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Selling Your Heart on the Street Like A Prosty


If I were a prostitute, I sometimes wonder how much I’d charge. Would I make just enough to get my daily fix of blow, crack, heroine or liquor? Or would I be a classy hoe and charge upwards of $500 per night?

Let’s do the math:

If I charged $500 dollars per night and I slept with six guys that night, I’ll have made $3,000 in one night! Of course, I’d need regulars and they wouldn’t come back every night spending that type of money unless they had some major dough. Well, I’d know my pooh-pooh was fantastic, so I’d make the guy come back more than once a week.

Okay, so we have $3,000 a night so far. Let’s take $1,000 off of each night the next four days, because the regulars aren’t getting into my captivating tunnel of joy. I’ve still made $1,500 dollars a night, times four nights, which gives me a total of $6,000 for those days. Add my regulars back on for Saturday and Sunday and I’ve made $6,000 dollars for those two nights. Now, if we add together all the nights, I’ve made a total of $15,000 in a week! Talk about easy money.

But when it comes to matters of the heart, I feel we can’t be promiscuous with it, just like we morally can’t be hoes with our bodies. If you think about it, multiple relationships can lead to great sex, good kisses, fun times, money (if you’re a gold digger), and slight bliss, yet when your heart is laid on the line, it doesn’t seem like much fun. Just like I’m sure laying your cooch or Johnson on the line isn’t fun either.

So why can men prostitute their emotions for momentary sexual bliss? It’s because their heart’s not in from the jump. Yes, ladies you’ve been fooled. Most men go into a relationship with physical qualities analyzed and they are in hunting mode. Lots of women go into relationships with an open heart. They start off vulnerable and ready to commit. This is the reason why most men can go through relationship after relationship without being burned, while women come out on the other end with third degree burns.

The Question

If we could prostitute our hearts like we do our bodies, would it be worth the moral scarring? After a while, would your heart fall for the women or man you are emotionally screwing? And if you successfully prostitute a million dollars worth of lessons, sex, good times and money, in the end, is it valuable enough?

*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

Irony Overly Perceptible 'Cuz of Dumb Ass Choices


Some people make the dumbest decisions (myself included). I’ve never known why DUMBFUCK (a low-life cashier for McDonalds who’s working part-time and living off of his girl) would, for example, choose to screw around with Carla while his girlfriend, BEAT A BITCH DOWN, is on her lunch break. Of course, this guy chooses to do this shit at his own apartment or home, knowing that BEAT A BITCH DOWN has a key.

Are these common mistakes? No, they are careless mishaps or idiotic mistakes. These all come down to finding out the right choices to make and the right times to make them.

A lot of people don’t realize that- in regards to their goals- they have a path to follow. This path goes straight, yet there are always detours in the road (a pitchfork type of look). These detours teach you something, but they still keep your growth towards reaching the goals at the end of the road stagnant.

Yes, sometimes the disappointment and fear of failing is palpable, but we have to jump in there and go at it. When I was younger I would be afraid to ask my family for food when I was starving at home. I wanted so badly to receive that slow yes instead of that fast no that I was terrified. Keep in mind, people that I’m using the word TERRIFIED. I used it to describe my exact emotion, not to over-exaggerate.

So we must ponder the consequences to the actions in which DUMBFUCK caused. Because of his ill-thought decisions, BEAT A BICTH DOWN broke up with him and married a doctor will benefits (Thank you, God. BLUE CROSS, BLUE SHIELD). If he wouldn’t have tripped up and got caught, BEAT A BITCH DOWN wouldn’t have found a guy who loves her and financially treats her well. Irony to the fullest extent, huh?


*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

E-mail Advice- "I'm anal repellant"



Dear Poetiq,

My boyfriend just told me that he wants to have sex with me up the anus. I don’t like that type of sex because it hurts. He threatened me and said that he wouldn’t want to cheat on me. What is that? Am I supposed to loose the men I love or have totally unpleasurable pain because he wants to screw me like some Tits and Cocks porno star?

Anal Repellant

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Repellant,

LOL. I had to laugh for about ten minutes at this email. Don’t get my laughter confused with me not thinking your situation is important. This is where the saying goes: “What you’re not fulfilling, another woman is willing.” Is it not your job to please your mate? Conversely, I’d hate for you to be in pain because that is what he likes. If it is a pain that can be lived through momentarily, then yes, go for it. But if you convulse with sobs every time you and your boyfriend perform this act, then I’m sorry to say, you have to let it go.

Attraction is very important in a relationship and I could not blame him for wanted to be aroused in a certain way. This is nature of men- and all human, for that matter. You have to make a choice, Anal Repellant. You must decide on staying in pain, or leaving. The choice is all yours. But in making that choice, talk to him and ask him if your relationship is reduced to anal intercourse.


*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

E-mail Opinion- "Another deep discussion..."


Dear Poetiq,

By now, you know that my single girlfriends and I are scholars of sorts. We are ever searching for understanding...or really just how to maximize our smashing good looks before we get fat and ugly. Deep down inside, we are really very shallow. I have withheld all names to protect the slutty.

The topic of last night's discussion was the number of men it takes to satisfy our needs. It seems that we can never find one man who covers all of the things that are the most important to us (like sex and world peace and stuff). One man will be fabulous for adventure and travel, another will be the best secret holder, one will give a great massage, another will have a pizza delivered just to be nice, some are good for gifts, some are good for sex, some will let you drive his really, really nice car. Some write poetry, some will cook for you, some make you feel beautiful, brilliant, sexy...

We concluded that three men is the ideal number.

1. The One to F*ck.
2. The One to Cuddle.
3. The One to Pay the Bills.

Admittedly, juggling three men can be difficult to manage; and at times the number of men carried will have to be reduced to two for sanity's sake. Herein lies the dilemma.

Whom should one put on hold?


Scenario 1: Drop The One to F*ck.


Problem: Lack of sex makes us cranky, risking a blow up with The One to Pay the Bills. Worse, in a moment of weakness and desperation, a girl could find herself sleeping with The One to Cuddle. Thereby, making him now The One to F*ck although he will still expect cuddling. Naturally, he's The One to Cuddle because he's very sensitive meaning that sex will turn this relationship upside down. Many feelings will be hurt.


Scenario 2: Drop The One to Cuddle.


Problem: Affection is important. Some days, a girl just needs to sit in a warm lap. Sitting in the lap of The One to Pay the Bills gives him false expectations about his role in the relationship. He becomes nurturing instead of simply signing checks. Each transaction, now feels like talking to your parents and asking for your allowance. Demanding snuggling and spooning from The One to F*ck will run him off and then there will be no one to f*ck.


Scenario 3: Drop The One to Pay the Bills.


This is scenario is simply too ridiculous and improbable to discus. Even for the sake of argument.

Perhaps you can create some sort of matrix to help us to make our decisions.

As always, thank you for your insight.

Mist 1

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I thought this was an excellent email. Though I didn’t feel the need to give advice on this, I still was compelled to post it. It seemed like such a different approach on a non-monogamous relationship. This intensifies the logic of not relying on one particular person to fulfill a need. It’s almost like not setting one’s self up for failure.

You guys have heard it from me, Mist 1, new voice, look into it!


*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

Monday, November 13, 2006

My Wonderful Weekend With Zodiac Booty Humper and Friends


When you find out that your friend is having an affair with his girl's sister, what do you do? This situation becomes as sticky as superglue because you and your friend's girlfriend are closer than siamese twins. A choice must be made. That choice is: Never befriend both boyfriend and girlfriend. It leads to trouble.

A friend of mine, let's call him Zodiac Booty Humper, has decided to have an affair on his girlfriend of 4 years. We'll call her Snake in the Grass Hidden. What makes the plot thicken is that fact that Snake in the Grass Hidden tried to sex yours truly up just a few months ago. I should have told Zodiac Booty Humper, but I feared for their relationship. They have... Had some good stuff there.

When I asked her why she was trying to cheat on her boyfriend, with his friend, no doubt, she told me, "That's just me."

What provokes an individual to go to such lengths to receive pleasure? In this modern day and age it seems like Americans have lost control of wants and needs. When we can have out cake and eat it as well, when is enough enough?

Yesterday, while eating lunch with Snake in the Grass Hidden's sister, Dragon Breath Bimbo, I told her that Zodiac Booty Humper was going to bump her to the side for Snake in the Grass Hidden. Of course, that was a lie, but I had a whole plan mapped out. Surely it would go well. I mean, everyone else is lying, how could anyone get upset?

Dragon Breath Bimbo immediately ran to Zodiac Booty Humper to voice her distress and confront him on his awful decision. At the same time this was going on, I called Snake in the Grass Hidden and told her that Zodiac Booty Humper couldn't reach her and needed her to come to his apartment immediately.

What Snake in the Grass and Dragon Breath Bimbo didn't know was that I'd spoken to Zodiac Booty Humper earlier that week and explained my plan. I whispered a few facts in his ear and told him to expect the ambush.

Naturally, my name was brought up when they all arrived on the spot. They called me and put me on speaker phone. The women just knew I was up to something and wanted to expose me to spare their own asses, yet they were trying to rip Zodiac Booty Humper's ass simultaneously.

When I got on the phone I let all of the information rip. I mentioned to Snake in the Grass Hidden that while her offer to screw her brains out would have been tempting, I didn't want to betray our friendship or my friend's relationship.

Silence was a new character in this story. I'd outted everything and felt extremely well about. Then I said, "If anyone has a problem with what's happened today, I suggest they speak up. Otherwise, stop lying. Be in a relationship or get the fuck out of it."

When Snake in the Grass Hidden asked me why I'd gone through all the trouble to stop the "affairs," and lying, I said, "That's just me."

*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

Friday, November 10, 2006

Which Came First: Money or Sex


I wrote on a previous blog about splogging and, somehow the comments lead down a path of logic which states: Money is the root of all evil. Later that transformed into: Pussy and Money are the causes of death, greed, theft, lies and war.

The women who spoke on this topic agreed that each one is tied into another. For example, a man will go out on a strip in search of some poon-tang. The prostitute is looking for money in exchange for sex while the guy is looking for sex in exchange for money. There isn’t one thing that solely fuels this behavior; it’s all multiple conduits to a guilty pleasure or “sin.”

Which came first, the pussy or the money? History tells us (from a Christian background) that Eve first shared a fruit from the tree of life with Adam. After they shared this “fruit”- to my knowledge- they started banging and screwing like rabbits on Viagra. No one fully knows what the fruit was, but I believe it was a metaphor for knowledge of life, sex, and sin. We are all sinners, the Bible tells us, but at that point Adam and Eve didn’t know they were sinners, correct? So, how could Eve seek knowledge of something she had no clue existed unless she was searching for it?

This leads us down many paths towards many subjects, many arguments and many conclusions, but the main question is: Could money exist without sex, and could sex exist without money (money being a symbolism for any materialistic want or need)? Get back to me on this with a comment or e-mail.

*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

E-Mail Advice/Opinion- "Kissing/Sex"

Poetiq,

I assume that by putting the word sex in the subject of this email, that you will either 1.) turn out the lights and read it in private, or 2.) mark it as spam.

Assuming that it's the former...

A friend and I were talking about kissing and sex the other night. I wish that I could say that were were kissing and having sex, but I am inexperienced with women and didn't know how to make the first move...I digress.

The topic of conversation was which is worse...bad kissing or bad sex?

We disagreed.

The following arguments will be presented without names as I am sure that you will favor me unfairly. Wouldn't you? That's what I thought. Okay, then.

Arguement 1: Bad kissing is worse.
Support: Kissing can occur at any time. It is spontaneous and generally acceptable in public. Kissing is more important because there is more opportunity for kissing to occur. Kissing is romantic. Kisses speak volumes about feelings. Kissing is the way we romantically/sexually connect with people.

Arguement 2: Bad sex is worse.
Support: Bad sex is a waste of time. Sex is essential, while kissing is just obligatory or used as a social greeting/farewell. Bad sex leaves all parties uncomfortable and sweaty as opposed to just uncomfortable as in bad kissing and sweaty is bad. Bad kissing has no excuse, but bad sex can be made up for with gifts such as shoes and such.

Again, I want you to remain impartial. But, I need to know that I am right here.

Thanks for your help.

By the way, what are your credentials anyway?

--

Mist 1

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Mist 1,

I love a well thought-out argument on the subject of sex. This topic lends a hand to so many intended puns, jokes, remarks, and humorous events. Yet, when it comes to the subject of which is worst: bad kissing or bad sex? I'd say that my choice would be bad sex.

Reason

The reason why I choose bad sex is because, like you said, kissing can be spontaneously done in public. A man kisses a girl horribly, he can assess the situation, gather up his balls and try again. In the event you have a man who can only pump one out and he's finished, well, you have to try some other time.

You ever notice how a bad kiss can still lead to another date, which could, in fact, be a great date? But have bad sex and the situation becomes awkward. Plus sex leads to all types of uncontrolled emotions. Two friends can kiss and the fire still burns, if it's a great kiss. Two friends can have sex- bad sex at that- and it leads them to feel way too open and vulnerable. They feel like it was a mistake and they could have jeopardized the friendship because of succumbing to lust.

Conclusion

In the end, I'd choose a bad kiss over a bad fu*k any day. We can salvage a friendship after a kiss. But after a sexual encounter gone awry, that's risky busy. Bad sex can cause a relationship to sink like a boat filled with seamen... no pun intended, of course.

Credentials

I've been blogging for about two years. This was the only time I decided to get paid for it. LOL. I also write for a local newspaper. I write about love, relationships, spirituality and religion. I am trying to convince those guys that my own column would be the best thing since sliced bread. But readers are happy with what I shit out now. So I say, "If it aint broke, don't fix it." How do you feel about it? I also went to an arts-based high-school with a focus on analysis, small studies in psychology and I'm a natural-born philosopher. Went to college to take Music Business Managment- far from these subjects, huh? Realized writing and relationship issues are my joy and decided to take Journalism and Creative Writing in college. I learn as much as possible about relationship issues, sex and dating. I've seen a lot and share a lot. But most importantly, I love to receive information as well.

P.S. I love your blog. I read it religiously now. You have inspired me to become way more opinionated with my writing. Thanks for blessing my page with your thoughts (I'm glad someone is. LOL).

*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Creativity. Where Did It Go?


I have the worst writer's block you could think of. I had 5 articles to pump out this weekend and when I finally approached the final article, my brain went blank. It's like all thought, creativity and drive flew the co-op or something. Where did it all go?

As I sit here typing away, I ask myself, "Why didn't you take a pee when you were at the house?" I say this because I'm doing the pee-pee dance on a stoll at the university library. Yes, how pathetic. I'm doing the pee-pee dance with an empty brain and balled up words, metaphors, prose, verbs, nouns, adjectives and may other writer's tools wanting to be used, but unfortunately are not being used (what a long ass sentence?).

Creativity.

That's the key to keeping any good "thing" strong and prosperous. How many people do you know give up on an idea or an individual because they got bored all of a sudden? Wouldn't it be easier to find a way to bring passion back into the relationship? I'm like, if you're bored with ballet dancing, take up break dancing; If you hate writing poems, write a short story; and if you're bored with your mate, find a way to bring back the romance that sparked the flame in your belly and made you fall in love in the first place (another long ass sentence, huh?).

Creativity.

I do need to find it.

*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Drumroll, Please... Why I Never Called Back After Wonderful Date



Most of you know that I have been posting interviews on the subject of men not calling women back after a wonderful first date. I can honestly say that I've contributed to this monstrosity. Ladies, before you go throwing tomatoes at me, let me explain.

When I was about 17 (young, fresh and stupid) I went out on a date with Charlene Brady. I thought she was the finest thing since sliced bread. Of course, I thought her to be miles and miles away from my social caste and decided that I wouldn't pursue her at first.

During our first encounters, we never spoke to one another. We would throw a polite smile at one another during school, but that's about it. Over time the word got out that I liked her and she found out, liked me and decided to ask ME out. The only problem was by the time she wanted to go out I was over the whole girly-made-up look and onto Kiesha Paine, who was more down to earth, showing natural beauty.

Be it me not to disappoint, I agreed to go out on the date so she wouldn't feel less attractive. We had the best time of our lives, it seemed. We laughed, talked, played and flirted from time to time. Out of habit, and natural friendliness, I told her I'd give her a call. When I got home, I realized that we were from totally different sides of the tracks. In school she would be miss high prissy face and I would remain the sexy, not-so-popular TJS (Terry J. Snipes). I never called back. Now, ladies what do you have to comment on? (I will brace myself)

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Why Men Don't Call Back After A Wonderful Date- Part 4


We've approached the very last interview in this series. I apologize for the tension that surrounds this last interview. I do not like when people try and throw ass backwards psychology at me in order to justify something that only needs the truth said. If I ask you, "Did you drink my pop?" And you say, "Have you ever drank someone's juice because you didn't know it was theirs?" Then that leaves you open for whip lashes from my tongue. But I am very excited that the young man participated in this very last interview.

Below, I have posted the fourth and last interview:

Jason Jones is a 43 year old construction worker. I give him lots of thanks for taking the time out of his busy schedule to participate in this interview.

Guru Reporter- Hey, J.J.

Jason Jones- Hey, Terry.

GR- You are the very last interview that I am conducting on this subject. So, to a certain extent, you are the most important interview.

JJ- I wouldn't say all that. But we are going to have to speed things along.

GR- I understand. So why don't you call women back when you say you will?

JJ- You don't waste any time do you?

GR- We're losing time with you answering my questions with a question, homie. So why don't you just answer the question, please. (laugh)

JJ- Well, I don't call them because I don't like them. There is no other reason why I wouldn't call a girl back unless I didn't like her.

GR- Why tell them that you will call them back when you know you have no plans on calling them back?

JJ- I just tell them what they want to hear. Come on now, I'd hate to tell them that on the date and have them trippin' on me.

GR- That still doesn't explain why your ass lies. Why not be a man and just tell the truth?

JJ- What's the difference between truth and a lie?

GR- One isn't true.

JJ- Exactly. What's the difference between hiding the truth and a lie?

GR- There is no difference. It's the same thing.

JJ- Exactly. How many people do you know hide the truth? When a chick knows she wants to look for her future husband yet she lies and says she isn't looking for anything too serious, she lied. So why aren't we going crazy on those girls and saying that they lied?

GR- You can't fool me with that fake ass, backwards psychology. You lied and that's the whole damn point of this interview. You are on the stand right now. You are being judged, not females who feel like they have to reserve their feelings so a man wont run away.

JJ- You're taking their side! No! (laugh)

GR- It's not about sides, Jason. The whole point of the interview is asking why YOU don't call women back after you say you will. Meaning: why do you lie?

JJ- Well...

GR- Don't think of a lie! (laugh)

JJ- (laugh) Don't be actin' like you know me.

GR- When people show you who they are... believe them. You've showed me you're a lying, fake psychologist.

JJ- It's like that, Terry?

GR- It's however you think it is. I might be a kind guy, but I don't accept BS when it comes to my interviews. Don't think you can pull the wool over my eyes.

JJ- Okay. I do lie. It's only because I like to see a woman happy and all over me. When I leave at the end of the date I know good and damn well I wont be calling her ass back. But I like that I made her happy at least for a night.

GR- And little do you know you've made her life harder wondering if you'll call.

JJ- That's a woman's problem. Don't think too hard about it. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't.

GR- You do have a point there, sir.

JJ- You damn right.

GR- Thanks for participating in this interview. I'll let you get back to making your money.

I would like to thank Jason for participating in this interview. He was a very good sport. I must admit, I did kinda' tongue-lash him because he rushed our interview before it even started and then tried to use some twisted psychology on me. But I hope all of my readers and newcomers have learned a little from these interviews. Feel free to comment on the others if you'd like.

*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

Check out the other posts:

Why Men Don't Call Back After A Wonderful Date- Part 3

Why Men Don't Call Back After A Wonderful Date- Part 2

Why Men Don't Call Back After A Wonderful Date- Part 1

Monday, October 23, 2006

Is Pity Sometimes A Ploy for Self Worth?

Ladies and gentlemen, I must admit, for a period of time I couldn’t stop putting up those damned numbered post. You know what I’m talking about:

10 Ways to Get Rid of Crabs:

1. Stop having sex
2. Eat more spaghetti

You get where I’m going with this. I have not written a post that explained my opinions and, sometimes, sensitive feelings. Where does this post plan on taking my faithful and newcomer readers? I have not a damn clue. I just figured it was time for me to vent somewhat and give you love/relationship seekers a piece of me. A deep, dark, nasty piece of me… Wait, that sounds kinda porn-ish. Please, continue reading.

Today I thought about my ex. She was the first woman who I ever loved and I sometimes find it hard to forget about her. Don’t get it twisted, we broke up for a reason, that reason is justified and I have no regrets. Yet, I think about her all of the time. She has gone through a lot of BS with her baby’s daddy. I can’t get into what happened, but if she didn’t know how to fight before she met his ass, she does now.

My question (and you guys know I almost always ask a question in my posts) is: Does everyone think about their ex’s just once months after the relationship ties have been severed? And when your new “friend” is in the picture, do you think it would hurt them because you thought about your “old” friend? Well, ladies and gentlemen, I asked my new friend.

“C**, how would you feel if I told you that I’ve been thinking about “*e** lately?” My girl looked me in the face and said, “as long as you don’t kiss, screw or perform falettio on the bitch, I’m cool.” What a girl. Huh? I went on to tell her that it’s not a sexual or even romantic thinking I’m going through in regards to her (my ex), it’s a fear factor. My ex and I planned so many great things in our future and now it seems as if she has accomplished being a mother with ADD instead of a na├»ve teenager with ADD. Is it safe to say that I pity her sometimes? To me that seems as if I pity her because consciously I believe I’m doing better. STOP! Wait! HOLD UP! I never want to come across as cocky, arrogant, conceited or filled with vanity, but it seems like that’s what this situation is leading to.

End Question: How can you think about your ex with fear and sadness with out having pity on them? And if you do have pity on them, does that make you an assuming, GREATER THAN THOU prick?

*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Introduction of TD.GAD.AY!

TD.GAD.AY was established some few months ago. My professional presentiment tells me that I should have remembered the exact date, but no one really gives a damn about that sort of stuff.

You’ll ask yourself: what does TD.GAD.AY stand for?

Well, when its discreditable acronym is broken down, it stands for

  • T hey
  • D on't
  • G ive
  • .
  • A
  • D amn
  • .
  • A bout
  • Y ou

The logic of it might seem harsh in the beginning, but take a few breaths, dry your eyes and wake up to the reality of the REAL WORLD. No, it’s not me being overly cynical (Trust! I’ve seen some cynical ass people), but rather realistic.

Cynical Comment: That man is full of shit. I don’t know him, and I’ve heard anything about him, or spoken to him, but he’s full of shit.

Realistic Comment: That guy’s breath smells like open camel mouth with melted cheese inside of it.

Try to apply this doctrine to your life. Say it with me, Gadies and Lentlemen…

TD.GAD.AY!

E-mail Advice- "my husband magic stick is killing me"


Dear

My boyfriend is well endowed. How do I tell him that our lovemaking is killing me?

Sore Lady
---------------------------------------------------

Sore Lady,

You are going to have to come to a conclusion. You must tell me, did you know his penis killed you before you guys started dating or after? Because if you knew his pipe was ripping your walls why did you still fake the orgasms and pleasure. Now you know his ass is proud because most guys want large "tools" and those who have them (large blessings) feel like royalty. If he's a good guy he'll try and come up with some type of alternatives. But if he's like most sexually blessed men, he'll give you an ultimatum. "I know lot's of women who wants this," he'll say. You look him in the face and say, "I don't."

Sore Lady, did you know that if his penis is too much for you and it causes you that much pain, could cause you severe damage and prevent you from having children? Most importantly, if you are not being sexually satisfied while doing it, he is the only one receiving any pleasure and that's not fair, is it?

Sit him down and talk to him about what the problem is and BOTH OF YOU need to come up with a way to fix it. If he says he has to penetrate you then you have to move on. I love my girlfriend enough to just practice falletio if she said my "love stick" was too much for her. In fact, an incident like that happened a while back with one of my girlfriends and I told her I'd lay off and we could try something else. Turns out the something else wasn't as good and she felt the same way. In the end, if the sexual attraction isn't there, one of you will stray. Be honest or leave. Good luck, Sore Lady! LOL

*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

What Do You Do When He/She Is Cheatin? Get Out!


What do you do when you find out that your best friend has not only screwed your boyfriend, but she has also made plans to marry him in the near future? Of course, you know what you don't do. You don't point a gun at your boyfriend's head and pull the trigger, causing him to lay comatose for three months and then shoot your best friend in the vagina. No, you make sure the crap never happens again. But some people might say, "Terry, you can never stop a man or woman from cheating. If they want someone else they will find someone else." Well, there are always signs to look out for.

Women


  • If your boyfriend never ever wants to share with you who his friends are, chances are he's cheating.

  • If your boyfriend becomes overly hysterical when you pick up his phone, he's cheating.
  • In some cases, if your boyfriend constantly accuses you of cheating then he is guilty himself and is cheating. He does this to throw attention off of himself and make you feel guilty so that you'll, in turn, drop the subject all together.

  • If your boyfriend never comes over until the morning or very late at night, chances are, he's cheating. There are some exceptions to these rules. You will read them in a future post titled Exceptions To The Cheating Signs.

  • If your man has been dating your for over 2 years and you still don't own a key to his apartment, you are being played, ladies.

Men

  • If your woman is extra nice to you even though you are treating her like shit, trust me, you're being cheated on.

Please remember to always get proof. Above all, ask your mate if she/he is cheating or not. You would want your mate to give you the benefit of the doubt before declaring you a cheater. Who knows, maybe your mate isn't cheating and this very post caused you to become more paranoid than usual.

*If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

    Wednesday, October 18, 2006

    Why Men Don't Call Back After A Wonderful Date- Part 3


    Why don’t men call women back after a "great" first date? Well, ladies and gentlemen, I feel as though I’m on to something new. During an afternoon meal (not quiet breakfast, not even brunch but I got my eat on) with a high school buddy of mine, I bumped into a couple of females who actually paid me, from time to time, for my dating advice back in high school.

    One of the women looked me in the eyes, and instead of saying hi, she said, "This guy I was with last night never called me back. What the hell did I do wrong? It was a perfect date."

    Unfortunately, I couldn't answer her question on the spot. Instead I referred her to my posts on usavoice.com and advised her to pay close attention to the answers given. I told her my plans of interviewing four different men who have, in some way, shape, or form blew a "perfect" possible relationship due to avoiding the follow-up phone call. Each man will be different, and in turn will give different answers as well as scarily similar answers.

    Below, I have posted the third interview:

    Marvin, a 34 year old divorced songwriter makes a living writing songs that appears on local's albums. Though he hasn't made his first million dollars, he makes enough to get by... comfortably. He writes lots of lyrics about love and wanted it. Could this all by a ploy to woo a young ladies heart only to sell records and KA-CHING! (cash in)?

    Guru Reporter- Wassup, homie? (laughs)

    Marvin- Nothing, homie skins. (laughs)

    GR- I understand you were writing a song for a new artist coming to town named Mike Black. Is that correct?

    M- Yeah, that's right.

    GR- You let me read some of the lyrics and you wrote:

    "I'll never let you down/ though sometimes you call and I'm not around/ I'll be there soon/ So we can get down"

    M- That's my stuff.

    GR- This pretty much says, "you might want to call me and talk and I might not come around until I want to hit the skins-"

    M- No, no, no. It means that sometimes she'll call and I'll be busy, but I'll always make time for her. And when I do make plans for her I might want to make her feel good.

    GR- That's a load of BS. I can't believe you expect a woman to look at it in that light.

    M- Trust me, homie, they do.

    GR- Well... I guess you've got that one, huh?

    M- You know I stole it! (laughs)

    GR- Now, the big question is: Do you call women back when you say you will after the first date?

    M- Some I do, some I don't. It all depends.

    GR- On what? How she looks? What she's said?

    M- It depends on how I'm feeling at the time. If I'm on a date with an Asian woman and I feel like Jamaica, I won't call her back.

    GR- But you do make it a point to tell her you'll call even though you don't plan on doing so, correct?

    M- You're making me seem like a monster, Terry!

    GR- I'm making you seem like a liar. And you are. Truth be told, you lie to these females and never plan on calling them back again.

    M- Some I'll call back and some I wont. Like I said, it all-

    GR- Yes, it all depends on what Marvin wants at that time. And your ass would be balling on the floor crying and writing sad love songs if a woman did that same shit to you.

    M- You damn right. But the important thing to remember is, they don't.

    GR- So, your decision to not call back is solely based on what type of female you want at the time?

    M- Yup.

    GR- And if you know what type of female you want at the time, why go out on the damn date in the first place?

    M- I need something to write about in my songs, don't I?

    GR- You sneaky little dog. (laughs)

    I would like to thank Marvin for participating in this interview. He was a very good sport. I eagerly await the answers I'll receive from the last man. A new interview will be posted next Wednesday.

    *If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on Love, Relationships and Life!

    Check Out the Related Posts:

    Why Men Don't Call Back After A Wonderful Date Part 1

    Why Men Don't Call Back After A Wonderful Date Part 2

    Sunday, October 15, 2006

    E-mail Advice- "Not a homo"

    Dear Snipes,

    I understand that subjects of a gay matter are hard for you to respond to. If a person doesn't understand the gay lifestyle it's hard to comment on it, right? My boyfriend only calls me when it comes to nasty sex sessions. I am not fully into sex with another man yet. I don't know if I like that faggoty bullshit. My question is why are men only interested in sex? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

    NOT A FUCKING HOMO


    --------------------------------------------------

    HOMO (sexual),

    Your signature really disturbed me. I am one who believes that if you are what you are, except it. You writing down NOT A HOMO didn't make me respect you more or less. It made me feel as though you really are very homosexual and are struggling to admit to yourself. You've completely offended any other homosexual who might read this advice. They will feel like you deserted them.

    As far as your question, I'd say that men wanting sex more than women is malarkey. This is an anonymous post I read a few weeks back and decided to save just in case a subject like this one popped up:

    "I like to get laid like the rest of them, however, I am more likely to hook up with a girl than a guy - with a guy I generally look for more of a relationship first. It's kind of a whole penetration=access=intimacy=control thing. Security vs fear... so no, I get horny a lot, daily i will get aroused by the way I cross my legs, a little breeze up my skirt, an accidental brush in the hall past a really hot guy or girl I might have a crush on... you name it.

    Daily, twice daily, sometimes more, and that doesn't count the two or three or more times a week I masturbate. Lots of women won't admit to it, because we're supposed to be some sort of perfect little fucking angels or something, but we like getting laid when the sex is good just as much as a guy likes getting laid when the sex is good."


    The woman's identity cannot be disclosed, but it shows right there that at least one woman admits to thinking about sex constantly, and even masturbating regularly. HOMO, I believe it's a sexist stereotype that men desire sex more than women. Women desire sex just as much as men do. Most probably won't admit to it because of the thoughts society puts in their heads, like only demure women are real women. Truth be told, Adam didn't rape Eve. She wanted it as well. Most women have times of the month that stop them (if they are not nasty) from having sex. A woman could want to have sex very badly and if the guy's breath stinks, it could turn her off instantly. Men will put a brown paper bag over a women's head and imagine Eva Longoria in her place. So, when it comes to your sexual orientation, which we've established is, in fact, gay; I want you to understand that sex is not important, whether you are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, transgender or whatever! With the number of STDs running ramped and the AIDS epidemic wiping out whole countries, I think it's best to worry about life goals, love, monogamy and discovery of whatever God you serve. Until the next post, much love, peace, and empathy.

    *As always, if you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at terry.snipes@usavoice.org. I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on Usavoice.org!

    Thursday, October 12, 2006

    E-mail Follow-Up- "My husband wants to kill me"


    This is a follow-up from a woman who sent a very interesting message to me a while back. I thank her so much for sharing this information, even though I made her seem like the biggest fool (which is not what I was trying to do). You can view her first post at Nancy's First Post

    Mr. Snipes,

    Though I found you advice very informative, the tone in which you spoke to me was totally...true. I seemed like a pathetic fool. I was a dog chasing it's tail. I am so happy that you told me what you did. Do you know that I'd spent 300 bucks to go to a seminar where the women threw these un-encouraging affirmations at us. I came out with absolutely no clarity. After reading your answer I must admit that I was upset. I thought you tried to embarrass me in your article. Yet after reading your article again three days later I knew it was the truth. I told Thomas to get lost and never speak to me again. What's so amazing is lots of guys are coming on to me. I feel about 13 years younger. I wanted to send this e-mail to tell women that you can do anything if you set your mind to it. I, of course, thank Mr. Snipes for giving me his blunt and honest opinion, but it takes women to do the work. There are no psychics, seminars or programs to buy in order to put life's mirror three inches from your face and see yourself. Have the courage, ladies.

    Oh and Mr. Snipes, I don't know if it's possible, but could I have your mailing address to send you a present? If you feel uncomfortable with that I totally understand. And thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to read my e-mails. I know you must be swamped with them.

    Nancy

    -----------------------------------------------------

    Nancy,

    I do apologize for my blunt tone. I never apologize for being myself, but there is a time and a place for hard-core bluntness.

    Any who, I'd like to address the e-mail topic first. I am not swamped with e-mails. I wish more people who send them in. I get about 5 in a good week. Trust me, the more people who share their voice the better. Usavoice.com encourages people to write comments and interact with the reporters. This is the news that we need.

    As far as you getting away from Thomas, THANK GOODNESS! He can take his 50% and get the bologna outta' your face. You were kinda' getting weak for a second. When I read the e-mail, I thought to myself, "Why the hell is she so damn naive?" Then you totally proved to yourself that you love...YOU. Please, keep in touch, Nancy.

    Oh, and congratulations of knocking the guys off of you, you beautiful, sexy, emancipated soul.

    *As always, if you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

    My Damn Everything

    You smile and penetrate my retinas with browns, silvers, gold's and bronzes
    Then, I open my eyes
    Through those windows my soul is touched

    You are light and life
    You are a fiery auburn on a fall evening

    You touch me and my heart stops beating
    I've died in your arms momentarily
    In your gates I am safe

    You are the fire in my soul
    You are the cool breeze on a sunny summer afternoon

    You speak to me and sing melodies of empathy, benevolence and honesty
    Forever escapes your cadence
    Through your music I live

    You are the wind that carries my dreams asunder
    You are the soft touch of snow sinking to a bed of flakes in winter

    I smell your scent, undefined by any mere mortal
    A sweet yet spicy smell like lavender on top of Irish Spring Soap
    Through you smell I dream

    You are the eyes in which I vicariously see
    You are the growth of my spirit like flowers in the spring

    Its seems as though you're my everything...

    *As always, if you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

    15 Tips For A Date... Men, This One's For You


    This post is for the men, as requested. Ladies, never hesitate to listen in. In fact, I encourage you to do so.

    Gentlemen

    Once that crush of yours finally agrees to be seen out in public with you, it might be left all up to you to arrange when and where to go for your date. Try applying these tips and make yourself look calm and cool (really, inside you are overly prepared and nervous...but we wouldn't want you to mention that, would we?).

    1. Don't wait too long to have the date. Waiting to be fit into her schedule will have your ass more anxious, and impatient than you already are. I suggest having the date no more than 3 days after you've asked her.

    2. Decide on a relaxed venue that most people will like which is adaptable to the situation. You don't want a place too fun that you guys don't pay attention to each other. Yet you don't want a spot that is so void of anything to do that you both feel uncomfortable.

    3. Ensure the location is in an easy to reach location for all kinds of transport and is one that is especially convenient for the lady on this first occasion.

    4. Lunchtime, I believe, is the best time to have a first date. At dinner time, things might seem rushed, especially if the date stretches beyond her sleeping time.

    5. You don't want to be overly complex or formal on the first freakin' date. Allow things to flow so that the occasion doesn't get too out of hand the first time around. Being prepared beforehand is the greatest way to avoid concentrating on the food and why her shoes look to small and her feet look so big. You want to focus on HER.

    6. Ensure you put effort into your style, dress and presentation and make an effort. Informality does not mean scruffy.

    7. Leave your apartment clean and tidy and presentable because you really never know what may happen later. You never know, this may be the start of something incredible so be prepared. Though I am somewhat "old school." I believe that you should be prepared in case she wants a quick romp in the bed.

    8. Don't try and impress by wealth. Selecting the most exclusive restaurant and insisting on flashing a Platinum credit card doesn't show you in the best light. Trust me, gentlemen, women can and WILL look past that after so many times (within that night).

    9. By the end of the first bottle of wine you may end up smashed so keep things steady in advance. Please, don't call yourself getting a little boozed up to calm your nerves before the date.

    10. Don't forget who you are dating. I'm not telling you to study everything the woman said over the phone beforehand, but do look up on Celine Dion if she said she likes that particular singer. You might not like her yourself, but at least you can say, "the woman who sung that Titanic song? Of yeah, she did a 3 year performance in Vegas, right? Yeah, yeah... I don't like her."

    11. Give yourself time before arriving for your date. Make sure you have enough time to prepare yourself and get yourself into the right frame of mind if you need to. The worse thing for a man to do is be late. Trust me, I've had this problem plenty of times. If you arrive later than your date (some arrive a few minutes later on purpose) she will throw you a look like, "I'm the fashionably late queen. You ass should be the anxiously waiting dude."

    12. Be organized. Remember your wallet and know where you are meeting. Struggling with directions in the rain will do nothing to assist the occasion. Trust me.

    13. Did I say this before. Oh, wait, let me announce it again: Don't be late !

    14. Don't ring your date consistently after the date is over. If she doesn't pick up the phone right away, assume she had things to do before she decided to call you.

    15. The most important one of all. If you are interested in the woman, please, call her back WHEN YOU SAY YOU ARE!

    *As always, if you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on Usavoice.org!

    10 Ways NOT TO Break Up With Your Mate


    There are many things that men and women do in order to free themselves of unwanted love. Some people will lie, some will cheat and some will outright divorce their unwanted loves. I have enclosed 10 ways NOT to separate from your significant other. These are real events of people who have done these things:

    1. DO NOT purposely set out to have your girlfriend catch you in bed with another man so that she will separate from you. It takes less effort and heartbreak to just tell her that you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Tell her that you’d rather get pumped from behind or shove a piece of meat in between your top and bottom teeth.

    2. DO NOT set out to have your best friend "lend" your husband the money for your anniversary ring only to have the info slip out during a family dinner, your best friend urging your husband to pay them back. If you want a divorce, please try to tell him before your anniversary comes up!

    3. DO NOT constantly accuse you’re your girlfriend of cheating on you because you feel she’s on to you and your Motel 6 hookers.

    4. DO NOT check your boyfriend’s cell phone, wallets, pockets, shoes, hair, closets, face bowls, cars, trucks, shirt pockets and any other crevices in order to prove he’s cheating. If you don’t trust him that bad you should just leave him!

    5. DO NOT cheat on your mate in order to "comfortably" leave him/her.

    6. DO NOT ask your friends for their advice on how to leave your mate. Unless you truly trust them and they are honest people, they will steer you in the wrong direction. Trust me.

    7. DO NOT try and meet someone off of the Internet who you think could eventually replace your mate. They might end up being a 13 year old boy/girl.

    8. DO NOT tell your boyfriend that you have had sex with your brother countless times and you might end up having sex with him again seeing as how you are very sexually attracted to him. Your boyfriend might just tell your family about your little white lie and you could end up being embarrassed in front of the entire family.

    9. DO NOT write your mate an e-mail telling him/her that you are planning on leaving them. An e-mail is just as tacky as them finding out through the grapevine of gossipers eager to spread your business.

    10. DO NOT pay random strangers to follow your girlfriend to a party and slip her a mickey, practically rape her, and find a way to arrive in the room in the morning while she is butt naked with the guy. Because she was slipped some drugs, she doesn’t remember if she initiated anything or if she was raped. I know this one will make lots of people angry. When the young woman told me about his I was hurt. What does it take for guys to have the balls to tell women what the real is?

    Pay close attention to these things and try to avoid them. There is nothing worse than breaking someone’s heart, but when you embarrass them by breaking up with them in a shameful fashion then that makes thing even worse. I can certainly say that it’s best to just be real and tell the person you do not want to be in a relationship with anymore that you are ready to end everything. That is the best way to go.

    *As always, if you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on LRL.com!

    Wednesday, October 11, 2006

    Why Men Don't Call Back After A Wonderful Date- Part 2


    Why don’t men call women back after a "great" first date? Well, ladies and gentlemen, I feel as though I’m on to something new. During an afternoon meal (not quiet breakfast, not even brunch but I got my eat on) with a high school buddy of mine, I bumped into a couple of females who actually paid me, from time to time, for my dating advice back in high school.

    One of the women looked me in the eyes, and instead of saying hi, she said, "This guy I was with last night never called me back. What the hell did I do wrong? It was a perfect date."

    Unfortunately, I couldn't answer her question on the spot. Instead I referred her to my posts on usavoice.com and advised her to pay close attention to the answers given. I told her my plans of interviewing four different men who have, in some way, shape, or form blew a "perfect" possible relationship due to avoiding the follow-up phone call. Each man will be different, and in turn will give different answers as well as scarily similar answers.

    Below, I have posted the second interview:

    This young men is 26 years old with a Bachelor of Science degree in Chemistry. He works out religiously and makes time to call him mother at least 3 times a week and find out how she's doing. His name is Raymond Smith and some women might say, "He's a catch!"

    Guru Reporter- How are you, Raymond?

    Raymond Smith- Cool, man. I've been working like crazy. I don't understand why people go crazy over salary positions when they get worked to the bone and get the same pay.

    GR- But you get a very nice pay. (laughs)

    RS- I guess it depends on who's looking at my paychecks. And I'm proud to say, it's only me.

    GR- Speaking of being proud of only you, are you afraid to have a woman in your life who'll ask about those things?

    RS- Not really. I'm not afraid to show anything of mine. I've never really been afraid of women.

    GR- So, why didn't you call females back after a wonderful date?

    RS- (laughs) Okay, make me feel like the bad guy.

    GR- I keeps it real here at LRL.

    RS- It's not the fact that I'm afraid of women. I choose not to call them back because they don't interest me. It seems like they are only concerned with building a house, dog, kids and happy marriage.

    GR- What's wrong with that?

    RS- That's something that should be dealt with when the time approaches. Our relationship should lead into it. Let's say we are not supposed to be together forever. She'll get mad because we are not getting married and getting a condo in the Hamptons. (laughs)

    GR- So, you're showing that men do have common sense when it comes to love, relationships and life. I'm happy to say that I'm not the only one.

    RS- Because men don't rush to settle down doesn't mean they don't know what a relationship deals with.

    GR- Is that why men cheat? They know how to be in a stable relationship, but they choose not to stay.

    RS- Lot's of men don't care. If I want to sex up that girl I saw at Starbucks then I'm going to because I want to.

    GR- That's screwed up. That is such a selfish way of thinking.

    RS- Women do it all the time, they just don't do it as boldly as men.

    GR- So, what things turn you off about a woman to make you not call them back, besides them planning for forever?

    RS- I can tell when a woman is being fake. I can tell when she is trying to be coy, when she is being slightly stuck-up. I can tell these things. Women act as if men are always lying, but women have lots of skeletons in the closet.

    GR- They have graveyards, huh? (laughs)

    RS- Yes, Tee. I can't take a woman giving me seven different sides of her in ONE NIGHT! Come on, now. Maybe if she gives me these different view points within a month, maybe. But that seems kinda' bi-polar to me and that scares me as well as turns me off.

    GR- But why not tell her this after the date is up? Why tell her that you'll call her?

    RS- Men have second thoughts like women do. At first I think to myself, yeah, I'll try and work this out. Then as I get closer to home I think about how she told me she was too classy and ate shrimps and lopsters. When we get to the restaurant she eats like she hasn't eaten in years. Then she has the audacity to mistakenly admit, "I haven't had lobster/shrimp in years."

    GR- Thanks for the interview, Raymond. This was a very enlightening interview.

    RS- I hope we schooled the females a little on what men do and how we feel. We all aren't dogs.

    GR- Amen for that.

    I would like to thank Raymond for participating in this interview. He was a very good sport. I eagerly await the answers I'll receive from the other men. A new interview will be posted ever Wednesday.

    *If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on Love, Relationships and Life!

    Thursday, October 05, 2006

    Why Men Don't Call Back After A Wonderful Date- Part 1


    Why don’t men call women back after a "great" first date? Well, ladies and gentlemen, I feel as though I’m on to something new. During an afternoon meal (not quiet breakfast, not even brunch but I got my eat on) with a high school buddy of mine, I bumped into a couple of females who actually paid me, from time to time, for my dating advice back in high school.

    One of the women looked me in the eyes, and instead of saying hi, she said, "This guy I was with last night never called me back. What the hell did I do wrong? It was a perfect date."

    Unfortunately, I couldn’t answer her question on the spot. Instead I referred her to my posts on usavoice.com and advised her to pay close attention to the answers given. I told her my plans of interviewing four different men who have, in some way, shape, or form blew a "perfect" possible relationship due to avoiding the follow-up phone call. Each man will be different, and in turn will give different answers as well as scarily simular answers.

    Below, I have posted the first interview:

    The man I am interviewing does not want his actual name to be posted on the website for personal reasons. He chose the alias, Caring.

    Guru Reporter- So, Caring, it’s great to finally have this interview with you. I know lots of women would like to know what a successful man like you would pass up on a future with a wonderful woman.

    Caring Guy- What’s up, Tee. Sorry about the anonymity, but I have lady friends and colleagues who I’d rather not see this and know it’s me.

    GR- I completely understand. My female (and some male) readers will enjoy this series a lot. Hold on… I have to turn the volume up on my microphone..

    CG- (laughs)

    GR- Okay, so let’s plunge into the interview.

    CG- Let’s go for it.

    GR- How many dates have you been on?

    CG- Oh…

    A rather long pause.

    GR- Don’t want to answer that question? Don't worry, you’re anonymous.

    CG- No, I was counting (laughs).

    GR- (laughs) I’m sorry. Count away.

    CG- I would say I’ve been on more than 50 dates.

    GR- And out of those possible 50 dates, how many women have you called back?

    CG- I’ve honestly only called about 20 of those females back.

    GR- How was the very last date- in which you never called back- that you had?

    CG- It was alright. She seemed like she was cool, except she was kinda’ stank.

    GR- What do you mean she was "stank?"

    CG- She seems really bourgeois.

    GR- Out of all the women, what things caused you to not call them back, collectively?

    CG- A lot of them moved too fast. They were almost talking about wedding dresses and churches to have the future ceremony in. I have to admit, it always scared the crap out of me.

    GR- Out of those dates, why did you call the successful ones back?

    CG- I called them back because they let me know that we were having a date. I felt as though they might not want to be with me in the next week, and I guess it made me more interested.

    GR- So, it's sort of like a challenge? You needed something to work towards, correct?

    CG- Something like that. I just wanted a girl who understood what I wanted and wanted the same thing for herself.

    GR- And what was it that you wanted?

    CG- I want a woman who is looking to start off as friends, or buddies. I want a woman who is not expecting a long term marriage after the first date. If I receive vibes that express that, then I wouldn't dare call her back!

    GR- Do you think you've ever found that "ideal" woman and passed on her for one reason or another?

    CG- I think all men have done this, by mistake, in their lives. I guess we just have to learn from them (mistakes) and make it better the next time around.

    GR- Caring, thanks for having this interview with me.

    CG- No problem. Let me know when you post the interview so i'll know what exactly what website to help my ladies avoid. (laughs)

    I would like to thank Caring Guy for participating in this interview. He was a very good sport. I eagerly await the answers I'll receive from the other men. A new interview will be posted ever Wednesday.

    *If you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on Love, Relationships and Life!

    Saturday, September 30, 2006

    The "Perfect" Man


    On this Saturday morning a ringing phone jerked me from my wonderful slumber. I was already in a nasty mood seeing as how I stubbed my toe on the banister at 5:00 in the AM. Foot bleeding and toe burning, it took me two hours to get back to sleep. All that pain due to a five o'clock urine run.

    When I picked up the phone, my friend Donna was going on and on about her date last night. I believe she started talking the moment she heard me pick up the phone. I had to stop her, "hold on, hold on. Hello and good morning to you as well." I said. She apologized and went into her problem.

    She told me that she started dating this construction worker who is actually working on a street across the street from her job. They went out on a date to Zias, an Italian restaurant. Oh, she went on and on about how much of a gentleman he was. "He help my door open for me and even pulled my chair out for me when we went to dinner," she said. "After eating a wonderful dinner, we went to the waterfront and talked about religion, politics, romance, books that we love. You know, he loves action movies as much as I do. But get this: he is a softy for romance movies. He loves 'em more than I do!" she beamed over the phone. But as you all know, with all my post, there must be some type of problem that needs solving.

    The Problem

    The problem with this magical date was the fact that my friend has a five year old son. When he dropped Donna off after a wonderful dinner, walking around the riverfront and a talk that could put Shakespeare to share, he wanted to come in for more than R&R. After going inside of the house she realized that her son was up and told the man that he wouldn't be able to stay over due to her son being conscience. Well, the guy was still trying to guide my friend to the bedroom! After she informed him that she wouldn't do anything sexual while her son is awake and in the same house, the guy became very upset and all of a sudden turned calm and told her that he'd call her when he got home.

    Guess what, folks? He never did.

    So, my friend is on the phone at 7:00 in the morning, screaming about how she wouldn't want to be with anyone who will disrespect her son in such a manner, yet she thought he was a really good guy and feels like she screwed up her chance of developing a nice, new relationship.

    My Answer

    I told her to drop dead and to never call me that early for any BS like that again! No, I'm just joking. I told her that she is over thinking the entire situation. If the guy was so much of a gentleman, he would have stopped trying to pursue sex the moment she told him that she was uncomfortable. It doesn't matter what her son might have saw or not have seen. If she didn't want to have sex, the guy should have left it alone. For him to stop forcing the sex thought on her just because her son was around meant that he didn't care about her feelings. It means he just didn't want her son to see his pimpled ass naked.

    I told Donna to brush her shoulders off and keep going. If God made that one guy who seemed fantastic, then God has a plenty more. I told her that until that nice man came around (there will never be a perfect man) her main man is her son. He is the most important one. Even after she finds a new man, her son will have to still remain her number one. And if the guy is really there for her he will make her son his number one as well.

    Conclusion

    Ladies, please don't get so desperate that you have to settle for a man who is nice, sweet and seems perfect... except he killed a few little girls back in Iowa. Or you'll find a guy who is wonderful with children, reads poetry and seems like the perfect catch... only he has two boxes filled with child pornography(?)!! It's not worth it. You can go a lifetime trying to find the "perfect" guy and meet thousands of men who don't cut it. No one is perfect and please don't settle for the guy who seems perfect except for some major flaw that you feel you can look around. I'm not against compromise, but somethings shouldn't be tolerated.

    I once had a friend who was older (around the age of 72). After her divorce in 1983 she'd been spending years trying to find the perfect man. When she turned about 70 she would pray to God, asking him to bring her the perfect man. She even cried over the subject. Not soon after, she died. God had answered her prayers. He took her from this life to be with him. My point is: The only perfect man is God in heaven. Until then, maybe it's best to try and make God your perfect man and the other men are... "alright guys" on the side. Until the next post, much love, peace, and empathy.

    Tuesday, September 26, 2006

    E-mail Follow-Up- "Cheating"


    Dear Poetiq Expression,

    Well you asked me to keep you posted and I am. I caught my boyfriend in the bed with another man. It was harsh and it hurt me to death. Yet it helped me move on. I am currently seeing another man who seems way better then my ex's dumb ass. I am happy. Thanks for the advice!

    Marsha

    Marsha,

    I am so elated that you've decided to move on. It's sad to say but you've already got other females to compete with on a daily basis, but you can't compete with a man. It can't be done. That guy was giving your bf something you'll never be able to give him. Actually, he was giving your man three things that you couldn't.

    My only concern is that you are moving into a relationship too fast. Take some time to feel yourself out. What makes you happy with YOU? Look at yourself in the mirror, smile and say, "I know I look flyy." Because you do. You need to heal by yourself first. If you allow a man to enter your life too quickly, you'll end up making him pay for your ex's mistakes. He doesn't deserve that. Then you'll be writing me another e-mail advice question saying, "I'm driving me new boyfriend away. What should I do?" Let's spare ourselves the constant typing and future of receiving carpel tunnel by you keeping the dating on a maximum and the going out on a minimum. Trust me on this one, babe. As always, keep your head up. Love, peace and empathy!

    *You can find Marsha's original post at the following link: Marsha's First Post. As always, if you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at lrl.advice@hotmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on Usavoice.org!

    Sunday, September 24, 2006

    Sharing Yourself on Love, Relationships and Life


    Yesterday I was going through all the articles and blog posts that I have written and noticed how different each stage of my blogging career has unfolded. It seems as if I went into this blogging "thing" with a need to share my views. Well, I guess after months of realizing how many people respond to this thoughts, I figured that I would start to include others in my thoughts and discussions on love, relationships and life.

    I encourage anyone who has an idea or maybe a story idea to send it to lrl.advice@hotmail.com. In doing this you will not only be sharing your views with me, you will be sharing your views with the rest of the world. Some ideas and some e-mail posts/questions will not be published, of course. I can’t post absolutely everything. But the most inspiring, heartfelt and meaningful ones will see the light of day (or darkness on this black background) on Love, Relationships and Life!

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