Thursday, October 12, 2006

10 Ways NOT TO Break Up With Your Mate

There are many things that men and women do in order to free themselves of unwanted love. Some people will lie, some will cheat and some will outright divorce their unwanted loves. I have enclosed 10 ways NOT to separate from your significant other. These are real events of people who have done these things:

1. DO NOT purposely set out to have your girlfriend catch you in bed with another man so that she will separate from you. It takes less effort and heartbreak to just tell her that you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Tell her that you’d rather get pumped from behind or shove a piece of meat in between your top and bottom teeth.

2. DO NOT set out to have your best friend "lend" your husband the money for your anniversary ring only to have the info slip out during a family dinner, your best friend urging your husband to pay them back. If you want a divorce, please try to tell him before your anniversary comes up!

3. DO NOT constantly accuse you’re your girlfriend of cheating on you because you feel she’s on to you and your Motel 6 hookers.

4. DO NOT check your boyfriend’s cell phone, wallets, pockets, shoes, hair, closets, face bowls, cars, trucks, shirt pockets and any other crevices in order to prove he’s cheating. If you don’t trust him that bad you should just leave him!

5. DO NOT cheat on your mate in order to "comfortably" leave him/her.

6. DO NOT ask your friends for their advice on how to leave your mate. Unless you truly trust them and they are honest people, they will steer you in the wrong direction. Trust me.

7. DO NOT try and meet someone off of the Internet who you think could eventually replace your mate. They might end up being a 13 year old boy/girl.

8. DO NOT tell your boyfriend that you have had sex with your brother countless times and you might end up having sex with him again seeing as how you are very sexually attracted to him. Your boyfriend might just tell your family about your little white lie and you could end up being embarrassed in front of the entire family.

9. DO NOT write your mate an e-mail telling him/her that you are planning on leaving them. An e-mail is just as tacky as them finding out through the grapevine of gossipers eager to spread your business.

10. DO NOT pay random strangers to follow your girlfriend to a party and slip her a mickey, practically rape her, and find a way to arrive in the room in the morning while she is butt naked with the guy. Because she was slipped some drugs, she doesn’t remember if she initiated anything or if she was raped. I know this one will make lots of people angry. When the young woman told me about his I was hurt. What does it take for guys to have the balls to tell women what the real is?

Pay close attention to these things and try to avoid them. There is nothing worse than breaking someone’s heart, but when you embarrass them by breaking up with them in a shameful fashion then that makes thing even worse. I can certainly say that it’s best to just be real and tell the person you do not want to be in a relationship with anymore that you are ready to end everything. That is the best way to go.

*As always, if you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on!


Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha. Funny. I cant believe those were real. People are nuts sometimes.

Poetiq Expression said...

People will do and say some of the most amazing and craziest things. Thanks for the comment.

Poetiq Expression at LRL

Donald Paine said...

What planet are you from? You are so real and different on here. Good job, sport.