Sunday, August 27, 2006
The Subject of Domestic Violence
Many people will see a woman ( or have a friend) come in to work with large sunglasses on. The sky is gray and the weather doesn't warrant shading of any sun from the eyes. Co-workers look at her like, "this bitch is a diva!" or "She's crazy!" But what they don't realize, until the head manager tells her to 86 the shades, that she has a black eye.
People will question, why in the hell does she stay with a guy who beats her. Well, an empirical test of traumatic bonding theory, the notion that strong emotional attachments are formed by intermittent abuse, was reported by many doctors. You think to yourself, THIS DOESN'T SEEM POSSIBLE! Then you tell yourself, IF ANY MAN HIT ME HE'D BE TAKING A LONG RIDE TO THE MORGUE IN A HEARSE!
Yet, In-depth assessments (interviews plus questionnaires) were conducted on 75 women who had recently left abusive relationships, 50 where physical violence had occurred. The study found support for the effect of relationship dynamic factors such as extremity of intermittent maltreatment and power differentials on long-term felt attachment for a former partner, experienced trauma symptoms, and self-esteem, immediately after separation from an abusive partner and again after a six month interim.
But the main question that surrounds this blog entry is: How does one get away from the abusive relationship?
Battered women usually undergo several shifts in their thinking about the abuse before leaving permanently. A stress-process framework is used to explain the seemingly paradoxical finding that some women just out of the abusive relationship may have greater psychological difficulties than those who are still in it. Think about it. If all you know is pain caused by the hands of a misogynistic, drunk or mentally deranged man, you don't know quit how to live without it. And for those experiencing the most stress, psychological health can worsen over time. Society, researchers and doctors need to pay more attention to the plight of women who have left abusive partners.
I personally believe if a woman gets enough of getting the crap beat out of her, she'll leave. But there in lies the problem. What if she wants to leave and is too scared? Do we leave this woman in this situation and wait for her to be severely beaten or killed?
There are plenty of avenues for battered women to turn to. But I must say, and this may cause problems, woman who are ready to come out of the situation, will. Those women who are not sure of feel as though they "love" they man that is beating them will keep running back to him constantly because she believe that is the only place for her to go. God forbid there are children involved.
The truth is that women need to develop the nerve to leave on their own. Just the same as a drug addict going to rehab. You can spend tons of money in a place like that but if that person is not yet ready to stop then they will keep looking for the drugs. This is a sad thing to say, and I'm not writing this post as a doctor. I am writing this post as a man who has had friends in abusive relationships. It's best to wait until she is fed up, then help her. It might seem like negligence, but it aint. She will continue to go back to the same bullshit(if she's not ready to end it) until she dies or is put in the hospital. Sometimes, the hardest way is the best.
Woman who are experiencing physical or mental abuse from your mate, please click on the link below to get more information and help. If you know of someone who is going through this, please direct them towards the light by clicking Abused Adult Resource Center. Much love, peace and empathy to all.
Technorati tags:domestic violence, relationships, love
Posted by Poetiq Expression at 27.8.06