Wednesday, August 30, 2006

How To Share Yourself

Harry is out with his buddies at the bowling alley. He has on his bowling jacket, bowling shoes and a broad smile. He is happy for more than one reason:

1. he's with his friends

2. he's bowling

3. he's away from the "old ball and chain"

When I first moved in with my mate, I was extremely excited about the move. I couldn't wait to share my life with the woman I loved. But as all things in life, I received something that I didn't expect. It was far from easy and we fought all of the time during the first few months of moving in with one another.

"Terry, will you ever sweep the floor?" she'd scream at me. I'd yell back a few weeks later, "why do you always leave your heels right in front of the doors?" It seems as if all we did was fight and argue. It got to the point where we started telling each other that we were falling out of love. When a couple begins to say this then something is dreadfully wrong.

The subject of this blog entry begins with a question- as most of my blog entries do. That question is:

How do you share yourself?

This might not seem like a hard question to answer if you'd met a wonderful human being who you've lived with and understand the struggles of sharing your life. But to those of you who are living alone and don't realize the stress, love, bliss and pain of the situation, sit down and take note!

There a few things in which I believe every couple should keep in mind they just marry or move in with each other. Some people are extremely old fashion to the point where they believe a couple shouldn't move in together until they marry. I, on the other hand, believe that the old school way is buried and has turned to dust. With the economy like it is, most people like to room up with someone to help pay the rent anyway. So, if you are moving in with someone (if you're in a romantic relationship), these are some things to consider...

1. Space

a) Give each other space. At first it will seem like you are
supposed to be in each other's faces all of the time, but
this couldn't be further from the truth. Every couple needs
to have alone time. And alone time when taking a number 2
is not what I'm speaking of.

2. Compromise

a) You must understand that a relationship without compromise
is like being 99/1 instead of 50/50.

b) If you love someone, you want to make them happy. How do
you show someone you love them if you never make an attempt
to take the uncomfortable seat to please them. Romance
doesn't make itself, people. People make romance. Once the
romance in a romantic relationship dies, so does the
relationship itself.

c) Be understanding to your mates requests. Even if you don't
fully understand, it means a lot if you take the time out
to shut up and listen. Sometime paying attention is enough.

3. Time

a) Just as you should give your mate space, you should also
devote time to them. Lots of couplesdestroy their
relationship by putting too much focus on work or a hobby.
Don't get it twisted,I know how it is to want to make that
paper. My "spouse" wants to be a business woman. She's all
about making the dough. Yet, she knows that "we" need time.

b) If you have children, time is more important. You not only
have to spend time with your mate,you have to spend time
with your children and then with both your mate and
children at the same time. Yes, this could seem very
difficult when you balance work, hobbies, yourself and all
the stresses of life. My motto is: family first, work
second. This always words out.

4. Romance

a) This is the most important one. If you don't incorporate
this one, your relationship is as good as dead. Not every
couple spends every second of every day romantically
kissing, hugging and loving their mate. A romantic gesture
once a week, or month could do wonders. It take effort.

b) There is no way around the fact that the romance will die
off. You will spend time with each other once a week
kissing and loving and sending flowers and cards. Soon,
(maybe after 2 months of living with one another) that
starts to wear off and you find that the love aspect is by
feeling and emotions and less shown through actions.

c) Though you see your romance snowballing, try and find a way
to fit it in. Each mate should think in terms of surprise.
Don't just wait until the anniversary to bestow love upon
each other. Granite, a lot of people can't be "lovey-dovey"
every day 24/7, 365 days of the year. But more than hardly
ever will do the trick.

If you have any funny or interesting stories of you and you mate finding a connection while sharing space, please leave a comment. I'd love to head about it. And so would all of the readers. Until next time, much love, peace and empathy.

Terry J. Snipes

Visit my other blogs:

Share Love

Stigmatic Words


tanya said...

You are so right. I am so happy that I stumbled across this blog. I was having lots of troubles with my boyfriend. We plan to get married and I thought I was the only one who went through this type of thing. Thanks for letting me know that lots of couples go through this. I will be coming back to this website.


Poetiq Expression said...

Well, Tanya, I am elated that you can relate. Subjects about relationships are so complicated. Although I give advice we all know that relationships and partners do not come with an instruction manual. It takes time, trial and error to find you own way in your own relationship. If you have any stories or suggestions, feel free to post a comment. Thanks for the support. Love, peace and empathy.

Terry J. Snipes

sorrow said...

My b-friend just told me that he doesn't want to be with me and there is no reason why he wants to leave. Please, help me. I don't know what I'm going to do without him.


Poetiq Expression said...

All you can do it get over it. Send me an e-mail to explaining the details and I'll give some private advice. As always, love, peace and empathy!