I was busy trying to conduct an interview, write and edit a piece I am currently working on, hence the reason why this email advice is being put on the website so late. Below you will first read the questioner’s e-mail and my response will follow.
I know that this is website about relationships and I am happy that I found it. My name is Sheila and I’m a 16 year old from Bedford, Michigan. I think that I am mature for my age. I am your normal type of girl. I like to go to the movies, out to the mall and blah blah blah. Anywayz. It kinda hurts me when I go to the mall and I aint got money. My mother doesn’t go to work. She stays at home and gets child support from dad. I don’t even know where he is. My question is what is the feeling if you don’t love your parents? And is that wrong?
When I first read this e-mail I was excited that someone around the age of sixteen read my blog. It also terrified me, in that I have more of a responsibility towards keeping my blog posititve. But, I am an individual and I will always remain real. So, if you want real, here it goes:
Growing up, I was a middle class child. I never had to want for a damn thing. I had new clothes on my back almost every 5 to six months and a new toy everyday. My father was a construction worker and my mother worked in some factory downtown. Together they brought in a good estimated 2,500.00 dollars a week.
When I turned 9 ½ that all changed. My mother quit working and got on Social Security. My father just stopped working construction all together. We were forced to leave our home and move to a smaller one. It wasn’t that bad because it was right around the corner and I could continue going to the same school.
For the next two years, we lived poor. Sometimes our lights, water and phone would be turned off all in the same month. I endured the embarrassment of walking into a store with a handful of food stamps, getting laughed at. Yet, I knew most of them were on welfare as well.
My parents would constantly give up my room to strangers, causing me to sleep on the living room couch or floor for months. This was until we (my family and I) moved to California. There I suffered neglect from my father, beatings from the local kids, peer pressure, accusations that I molested a young boy, people dying because I trusted them with information and a plethora of other events. This broke me down, causing me to loose faith in God. I begin to practice witchcraft and other forms of pagan ritual in order to “change my life.”
My father would steal my mothers Social Security check and run off to do God’s knows what and my mother and I would starve together at home. But at least I had someone to starve with.
After two years of drugs, sex, death and neglect, we couldn’t stand the pain any more and decided to move back to our home town. Once we moved back, my father came running behind us and ended persuading my mother to move into a four unit apartment.
Apartment on Glenwood Street
This was pure hell. I sleep in a room that was actually added on from the kitchen. The blue carpet was dirty and the floor slanted downward, causing the cot I slept on to flip upwards many nights while I slept. The room was smaller than a bathroom, yet I tried to manage. This is when I lost all trust in my parents, especially my father. There is nothing worse then having a parent around you everyday, yet they are never around.
I would go to school all day, then go to dance rehearsals and have to walk home only to find my father on the couch flipping through cable stations. I cried many nights when my mother would come home from work, fix dinner, and make my father’s plate first and make it the largest, causing me to have the smallest portions and not be able to get seconds. I went to sleep hungry many nights. It was like my parents were for struggling with one another and not loving their child.
Plenty of times my parents would yell for me to ask my aunt or grandmother for CLOTHES, SHOES, FOOD, CHRISTMAS TOYS or anything else. They would rather sit on their asses and complain then work hard to take care of their child. It hurt for years and it still hurts to this day.
My parents have no phone, struggle to pay bills and the only time they call me or my 3 siblings is when they want money. On my birthday or any holiday, I must call THEM in order to speak with them. Yet, when they want money, they find a phone to call me. Times I go and visit usually consists of greetings like this:
Terry- Hey ma, hey dad.
Ma- I need some money!
I wont receive a hi or a hug. I won’t receive a polite, “How is everything going.” It’s just a command of money transfer. And though it’s sad and I could hate them, I think about the things they DID do for me and how I owe them for that. You only get one mother and father and you want to leave this earth knowing you didn’t treat them how they treated you.
My point of telling you my life was to let you know that there can be love behind the mental abuse and neglect. Hell, my mother has been married to my father for 22 years and he mentally abuses her everyday. They used to fist fight. He would chase my mother around the church pews with me in her arms. While chasing her he’d be cursing, and slamming pews around. This all happened in the house of God around so many people. Image how embarrassed my mother was. I can’t get super mad at her because she goes through so much stress everyday because of my father and there is something there that is making her stay. Maybe that it love. Because she could hate him, you know? LOL.
Keep your head up, child. That dark cloud always has a silver lining. Things get better. And if life with your folks is hell, you can create your own life once you’re old enough to leave. Start learning how to pay bills now, register for college, or get a part-time job and work on creating you own life. Continue to love your parents because everyone makes mistakes. God will deal with those things; you work on loving and understand that YOU create your life. When you were a child your parents created one for you. There can be a difference. I hope I inspired you to think positively and reply back to me if you need anymore advice. Much love, peace and empathy.
As always, if you have any suggestions or comments, please reply in a comment form. Or you can ask a question yourself my sending your query to firstname.lastname@example.org.
If you'd like to read the other e-mail advice, please click on one of the links below=
Email Advice- “Punch Her in the Face!”
E-mail Advice- “Cheating”
Terry J. Snipes