Sunday, September 17, 2006

E-mail Advice- "My husband wants to kill me"

Mr. Snipes,

I am a follower of your blogs, from lrl to your myspace blog. I love the things you speak about and the way you say them. I sent you an -email question to lrl.advice but you didn't post it. I figured it was because so many people send you questions. So I decided to send one here in the hopes of it getting answered. My husband and I are getting a divorce. I am a legal secretary for a law firm downtown. My husband is a file clerk for one of the local plants in town. The court plans on making me split everything with him. I was the bread winner and I feel it wrong that he gets half of what I worked my ass off to get independently. The other day he called me up and told me that he hopes I die. Today the judge announced that he will not give my husband half of my money but he will give him 10% of what I own. When I got home there was a voice mail for me. It was from my husband. He told me that he was sick and tired of us fighting and realized that it would take too mcuh out of use emotionally and mentally to keep up with the separation. He told me that our daughter was crying everyday and he wants to come home so we can work things out. What should I do?




What can I say, chica, except he's trying to play you for the fool you're portraying? I hate to say it bluntly like that but he wants what ya' got and he knows you're naive enough to give it to him.

Do you realize that the judge's decision to only allow him 10% of your money instead of 50% caused him to call you saying he wants to come back to you? Just the day before the "verdict" he was saying that he wished death upon you. Why would you even consider going back into a relationship like that? I understand you love your child and you don't want to see her go through this. But keep in mind you guys have been fighting and separating already. Image the damage you two will do to her if you get back together and everyday leads to fights and you leaving, coming back, leaving, coming back. Sometimes you have to know when to let it go. Your daughter will get over it. She has no choice. Depending on why you decided to divorce him (or him divorcing you), you had no choice as well.

I look at companions and friends as a tree. Those backstabbing friends that only were meant to be in your life for a minute are the leaves. They sway in the wind and eventually fall off and fly away. You can't trust them to be there forever. You have some branches, or people who seem sturdy but in a bad storm can break off as well. Then you have those roots. These are the friends, family and lover that you want. A root is always there. It supports that tree. It can stretch miles away from the base of the tree in order to sustain it's (the tree's) life. Your husband is a branch. He served his purpose in helping you create a wonderful child. Now it's done.

Please, don't get hurt again. So many people believe these actors, these fake friends and lovers. They'll drive you crazy and you'll be shooting at these actors like movie directors. Keep your head up, stay strong and keep me posted. Love, peace, and empathy.

*As always, if you have any questions that are burning within you, a story to tell or advice to give, please e-mail me at . I look forward to hearing from you. Your e-mail may be published on!

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