Monday, September 18, 2006

Love or Compromise?

Love is in the air. Inhale and smell the fish water that seems to be falling on top of your head. Well, it's falling on my head. That's right folks. It's raining. And as I sit here in front of my computer, I long for the company of a mate. How far will this loneliness rack my brain before it culminates in lustful acts later to be regretted? Of course, like all my other articles, I'll present the topic of this article with another question:

Why do people seek love so intensely that they'll accept settling before being in love?

I'm serious. There was a guy I sparked up a conversation with on the bus a while back. The man seemed very distraught and confused. I smiled and told him that things would get better. He then said the most interesting thing to me.

"I'm just going crazy, man. I can't stand my fiancé. I mean, like, I really get sick to my stomach when I see her, that's how pissed she makes me. But I'm so in love with her. It's like, when I see other couples and all that, I get really happy that I'm with her."

Of course my lips were slightly pursed as I stared the man down. My first thought was to scream, "YOU DUMB ASSHOLE! WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?! NOTHING! BECAUSE IT MAKES NO SENSE!" But instead, I smiled and asked him to explain his logic. As you would guess, he couldn't. He just felt and never thought.

I thought, YOU'RE BSing!

He then told me that his girlfriend is very nice and sweet. She always makes it a ceremony when he comes home from work to rub his back, run his bathwater and have dinner fixed and ready. She has a love for sports, yet never tries to be one of the boys when his friends come over to watch the football game. His friends actually adore her. She is a pretty female, not ugly, or fat (very ignorant and misogynistic of me). So, what's the problem?

The Problem

He never really fell in love with her. He was comfortable. He had found a woman who practically worshiped the ground he walked on. She wouldn't mind cleaning and popping out babies until they created an entire village! She shared some of his views and had great times with him and his FRIENDS. Yet, that wasn't what he was looking for. Yes, he was impressed by her understanding of a man, but he was not impressed by her. Therefore, when marriage is thrown into the picture, he gets sick. He's angry. He thinks to himself, "I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life with someone I SETTLED FOR..."

Who's at fault? Now, ladies, I know you all too well. You'll say it's the man's fault. While he has chosen to be a relationship that is honest to his predictions, it's not honest to her's. In her mind they are a happy couple, destined to break barriers and become that O' so sought after POWER COUPLE. In reality, he will start to cheat on her in less than a year. Who's to say he has not been cheating on her all this time?

Now it's time for me to half-way sympathize with the guy. Ladies, don't slaughter me, I believe I'm going somewhere with this.

I am not saying that the guy is right in his decision. I am putting myself in his shoes to try and figure out why he feels the way he feels. Now, from my glance at him.. Let's call him Joe. At first glance, Joe seemed very dirty, smelly and overweight. No, ladies and gentlemen, it was not a clean, I'm dressed nicely type of overweight. It was a I DON'T GIVE A DAMN, I HAVE NOT WASHED MY ASS, MY BREATH STINKS AND I HATE MYSELF type of overweight.

I thought to myself, maybe he fears of never being able to have a family. Maybe he thinks he'll never have a beautiful (I never saw the woman) woman who cherishes him the way she does. Does this make his actions right? No. But can you feel what pain he's going through? I hope so.


Although Joe needs to let that woman go, he also needs therapy. She shouldn't have to marry into a lie, not knowing, or maybe finding out in the future, that he will continue to cheat on her.

Stop and think about the relationships that you are developing or have been in for a while. Did you start dating them because you were lonely and just needed someone to be with, knowing the sparks would never start flying? Or do you feel as though they treat you like a step-child? Do you sometimes wonder when they don't call for up to a day if they are out with someone else? Do they give you quick kisses, and dismiss you? You may be going through something similar to what was described above. If so, please send an e-mail to Your view or story and my advice could be posted on! Until next time. Love, peace and empathy.

Terry J. Snipes

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Anonymous said...

I was in that position. It left both him and me miserable. The best thing to do is let it go if it doesnt feel right.

Poetiq Expression said...

Those words could not be better said. I believe that the heart knows best. Sometimes we need to know when to close our minds, close our thoughts and listen to our hearts. Thanks for the comment. Until the next post much love, peace and empathy to you!