The PostA friend called me up last night, speech slurring and bubbles lightly floating out of his mouth. He was excited about what had happened to him just thirty minutes earlier.
Apparently he and his friends were joy riding while filthy drunk. They were stopped by a cop and, upon seeing that my friend was the drunk driver, asked my friend to get in the backseat. Then he turned to the passengers and asked, “I’ma need one of you boys to drive this baby home.”
I thought to myself, If the driver is drunk, the passengers are FUCKED UP as well.
I’m happy to say that my friend’s friend, Martyr ( real name protected so that real person doesn’t try and sue TD.GAD.AY for defamation of character) drove them all home safely… but not before almost running them into a pole (my friend’s exact words were, “He almost ran into a parked pole.” Now tell me if that sounds right), and running over an elderly woman who was jogging at midnight. WHAT ELDERLY WOMAN JOGS AT MIDNIGHT, AND IN THE INNER CITY?
ConclusionIf you’re going to drink and drive, make sure the designated driver only takes a sip. I’m a bad influence- make sure he doesn’t drink any. And if you all drink, make sure the driver is a good actor. He can pretend to be sober, and you guys could get away with it.
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