Sunday, March 21, 2010

Have YOU Considered Debt Consolidation?

I don’t mind…

I don’t mind discussing debt consolidation with random strangers. They often look at me, fear in their eyes as they clutch their purse or exchange their wallet from one pocket to a more secure one. There’s no shame in my game as I wait in line at my bank, rocking ever-so slightly on my heels, my hands clutched behind my back.

“Say,” I remember asking a woman in front of me one day. “Are you swimming in bills to your forehead?”

This is about the time that the bank’s security officer politely walked up to me and asked me to shut up. Though I am a friendly person by nature, I decided to stop harassing the customers and get what I needed before I ended up escorted out by the police.

A Trip to Recognition

After leaving the bank, money in hand and a song in my heart, I decided to do a little grocery shopping. The people in the store give me polite smiles, yet most of the store’s staff avoids eye contact with me. I’m accustomed to it. They’re aware of my debt consolidation speech and avoid any contact with me whatsoever.

Low and behold, my eyes always spot a newcomer, a fresh face in the handful of store employees who aren’t ditching and dodging me. Playing it really cool, I walked up to the diaper section, where he’s stocking packs of diapers. I cleared my throat, fondle a few packs of pampers, and turned to the innocent, defenseless man.

Have you considered…?

“Is the IRS making you cry like a baby? Well maybe you should consider debt consolidation-” I started to give the fresh employee my spiel, but a wise and quick veteran employee just snatched the prey from grasp.

“Never speak to him. He’ll talk you into a stroke!” the veteran said, hauling my catch away. But it’s okay, because I see a pregnant woman casually snipping grapes from a bag and tasting them.
They Usually Slip Away

“Hello, congratulations on the newborn,” I said, eager to make a new friend, plus a commission sell. She turned to me, a warm smile on her face as she nodded her head. I found it rather strange that her cart only had a box of saltine crackers, avian water, and a bag of marshmallows in it.

“Are these diapers frightening you?” I lifted a pack of pampers, smiling like a cheesy commercial actor. She frowned, stepped away from me a little.

WOMAN: What?

THIERRY: The cost of pampers. This pack costs $5.84. If your finances aren’t in order, you might want to consider debt consolidation.

WOMAN: Oh, god!

THIERRY: What? I’m sorry…

WOMAN: I heard about you… Kids run!

Her three other children practically popped out of thin air and started racing down the isle. She scurried off behind them, a polite apology on her face. I felt a little out of place. Had my approach become dangerously obnoxious? I just felt as though the best way to network a helping hand was to speak about it.

Checkout Time

I walked to the checkout line, smiled at the cashier, and she smiled back at me. She looked friendly, open, around my age, and attractive. I stepped up to the cash register and placed my items on the belt.


THIERRY: How has your day been?

CASHIER: Okay. You?

She continuously swipes items, and that beeping sound drones on without haste.

THIERRY: Are they hiring here?

The beeping stops and she looks at me, the smile fading into stern contempt.

CASHIER: My credit is great, I own a home, a car, I’m married, and I’ve already invested in debt consolidation. Your total is $45.00 even.”

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